Desire...

"...my indwelling sin stands in the way of my full satisfaction in God... it perverts by making me think I am pursuing joy in God when, in fact, I am in love with his gifts."

That's a quote from a book I'm starting to read "When I Don't Desire God" by John Piper. Its interesting... because it's so true. How often do we FOOL ourselves into thinking we're completely in love with God, yet when certain situations arise we cast blame on Him or don't even turn to Him at all. A love so conditional... why call it love at all?

I don't mean that we shouldn't love Him. Oh man... we should love Him with our every breathe, our every expression, our EVERYTHING! I just mean... we shouldn't be so conditional in our love. He tells us how to love Him in 1 John 2:5 "But if anyone obeys His word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in Him."

Obedience.

That's a tough word to swallow. Something everyone has always struggled with... whether it was in school, with parents, with authority... with God. Why is it so hard? Because it calls for one to humble their pride and listen to another... to put selfish want out of the way. Self. The one we served since birth learning to serve another.

Today I want to put my self aside. I've been away for too long only to realize the real agony is because I left the one I love for another love... ambition and worldly things. They tore me apart and left me numb... killing me quickly yet torturing so slowly. I want to leave that behind... and give it to God. I want to give it to Beauty Personified...